nothing but blue sky

It’s a very windy place, this beach house deck. Very exposed.

The branches of the pine are long thing arms, stretched with palms up, praising god. The bamboo at the left is ridiculously tall and constantly moving. Sways like a gospel choir. Swish. Swish.

The sea is steel and still. You could walk on it all the way to the edge of the world. A thin purple line between sea and sky.  Predictably ‘sky blue’ bits, losing ground to cloud cover. White, or rather very pale blue blowing in. My tan will have to wait.

As fast as the tide turns the clouds dance off, and my favourite colour is everywhere.

It’s 4pm – bliss time. The next door tradies down all tools and the only sound is birdsong.  I sit on the edge of the pool, my toes in blue water.  Blue sky for ever, and nothing but blue sea between me and Argentina (with perhaps the northernmost tip of New Zealand to loop around).

Noiselessly, gracefully the pool water slides over the checked tiles opposite me, on to the pebbles below. And I find myself smiling even though my mother is dead, the little one far away, my son still mute. I suddenly notice though, if I just look to the side, the glass reflects frantic ripples. It’s all perception you see? Butterflies have been reminding me all afternoon – everything is changing annie.

This very moment, with the sun on my back, is perfect :-)

just a quick free write

Ten minute free write, unfiltered self, publish as is.

My back hurts. There’s a light show over paradise out the back window tonight. No rain, no noise, just flashes. My back hurts – from the driving? from the strange bed? or from the increase in walking? I can’t answer that but I do know that paradise has it’s niggles. It’s real life after all. And I’m cheating as I write – half an eye, one ear on Daniel Day Lewis emoting on the screen in front of me. (Is that the gaol I toured in Belfast, or the one I didn’t in Dublin?)

I have to leave way earlier to get to work from here, and this morning, at the crack of dawn, there were two ambulances and three police cars outside the celebrity guest house down the road. So….not paradise then? Not for someone. If one person died does it need that many attendants? Probably will never know what happened.

I’ve got another couple of hundred steps to do before bed tonight but I’m tired and over it. Really must make an effort to get lots of walking in earlier in the day.

Tomorrow’s a crazy day though. Half day at work – all volunteers, staff and directors in together. We’re primed to come armed with a question, with suggestions…trouble is we’re such a quiet bunch. Most of those coming don’t want to speak in front of the directors and most won’t. Four years into the job I don’t have any ideas left…can’t think of a question. Just pay me and I’ll be on my way ;-)

Once the working day is done the big kids will meet me here for the weekend. That’ll be nice though the silence and aloneness is also nice. Very nice. Funny – I don’t like it so much at home but then I’m still getting used that big fat house so empty now. I hope the cats aren’t going crazy with me away so much lately. It’s a brave new world for them too.

And now to sleep.

since you asked…

The last whistle stop on my excellent adventure was New York.

Second time I’ve been there luckily, because this was a really bizarre less than 24 hours.

The taxi ride from La Guardia to my sister’s apartment took years, allow a bit longer than google tells you. An accident here, a breakdown there, and the city grid was locked… Forty floors up, intense storm and gotham city like skyline. Lying on the couch with torn leg muscles and a cup of tea, rusty hot water from a forgotten kettle.

New York makes me edgy. And that’s quite apart from the anxiety that latched on and travels with me this life. I’ve been places where ‘they’ speak a language I’ve never learnt. Even places where they speak an English I don’t recognise. That’s not the issue. I can’t explain it – it’s an edgy city to me.

Next day after breakfast, I got another taxi to another airport. Two taxis and a sleepless night 40 floors up and I left the little one with my sibling, and flew the long way home.

I do hope to go back one day. And either work out the feeling, or dispel it ;-)

What was the last city you travelled to, and how did it make you feel?

addicted to a sea view – or, last day at the beach house

I imagine I see whales spouting and breaching all the time now, but it’s just the wild wild sea. Murky green after this morning’s steel dark grey.

It’s going that way. Later it might come back the other way. All the smallest creatures under the surface have no say in their destiny – pulled in the direction of the wind. I know our own human lives are predetermined by karma but we have free will to change direction. I think some sea life doesn’t have the strength to go any way, other than as the tide takes them. Go with the flow – mentally liberating?

Where are the whales when they aren’t breaching? When playtime is over what do they do? Did they know it was the weekend, were they showing off for the audience, does our awe give them pleasure? How do we affect them as they wow us?

The sea holds such a fascination. I want to know what’s going on in the depths, but I don’t want to go there…

I hope the big wind comes soon. Two a.m. is a scary time for the howling to begin.

animals as therapy

I am so grateful that there isn’t a tree somewhere that I feel compelled to tie a teddy to. I drove past one today. I drove that colonial bush track to the beach. Escaping my house, my life again, just for a few days. My road to bliss is someone else’s slippery slope to hell.

So I did give pause to think about them, child and grieving parent, but in my own world I’m seeing smiles. Two long, weekend days in the office behind me – two fifths of a course done, and feeling blessed to have met and spent time with the participants. A wealth of Buddhist knowledge floating in the air as I work.

And more joy? I saw an echnida as I started the track! That was a first. Safely navigated the crossing at speed, I’m not sure why I assumed they moved slower than that.  Then, I had just arrived at the beach when the young ones called out ‘WHALES’. Second time in my life, second time in two weeks, whales off the balcony. Whale playtime! One behind another mother and child breached over and over and over. An olympic butterfly race from one headland to the other and I had the best seat in the stands. Magic.