sunday musings in oz

I’ve experienced things in this life I would not think one could endure. Things I couldn’t have even made up.  Would never have dreamt would be a part of my story. If I wrote my own story it would be quite different dear reader.

And yes of course it has coloured my personality.  I Want to choose happiness, I really do and there are times when I’m successful but for the most part it’s a continuing effort. Doesn’t come easily or naturally.

I pause during writing to read another’s blog and instantly my mood is lifted and my perception shifted. It’s not just that I choose happiness, it’s that I choose to live without expectation. “The more I ignore negative feelings the less they’ll show up.” (thanks Whittlin Rich)  I choose to live without spending too much time thinking about the expectations others have of me. Until such time, if ever, I can live as I dream…I’ll just keep on dreaming about it and smiling – how’s that?

This is all a bit fragmented because what you’re not reading, but I’m thinking, is that there are three threads.

  • There’s the awful things that couldn’t possibly have happened to me.  Did.
  • There’s the I’m living in the inner city, someone else’s life, this is not me.  Where’s the farm?
  • And there’s the OMG I’m an introvert, quiet, wish to be anonymous, invisible with a job I fell into that is way out there in front of the organisation, very public, bossy and in control – yeah Right!  There are also some incredibly positive things to write about the job and even the getting of it – another post, another day.

 

where’s the farm?

Three very stressful events in two weeks – the blood, another as yet unwritten, and the rude work man and I guess I could be excused for having a few pyjama days in a row. Heater on, junk food ready, don’t ring me I won’t answer, don’t knock on my door I’m not here. I’m just exhausted.

Life’s not like that though. I must get up in the morning to tend to mother. I must get dressed because at my age a pyjama day requires privacy ha ha ha. And, as with my job, where I live means I’m never invisible.

I could enjoy being a hermit…

(postscript for those who read and left lovely comments re the rude work man – looks like he is going not me though the stress around this topic won’t be over til the fat lady sings. No, no I do not sing. I mean until it’s truely over and done with.)

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6 thoughts on “sunday musings in oz

  1. Your cat is very beautiful… don’t really understand these difficulties you write about at work. There are hints… but the story is evasive. perhaps you are not ready to speak of it all. Best wishes.

  2. Fragmented? Yes. I’ve put the fragments in a box and am passing them back to you. Put them together when you’re ready, but be careful to not cut yourself.

  3. Blogging is that middle ground between reality and our conscious – helps to reflect by haring your thoughts. Hope work improves, there is always light at the end of the tunnel 🙂

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