As soon as I wake fear explodes out of my head in all directions.
It’s more than two weeks since the diagnosis and theoretically she’s a little better than before we knew, shouldn’t that be good? She is coping, why am I such a mess?
I start breathing meditation quickly, desperately but watching the breath as an escape is not the way.. and it doesn’t work anyway. Nothing works at the moment – how can I beat this?
The first sound I hear, the only sound this Sunday morning, is the big cat vomiting. Something tangible to get up and deal with.
Outer silence is so unusual in my world.. You know that feeling when you really don’t want to get up but you can’t shake the anxiety wherever you are, once the mind is in gear, the eyes open… ?