Another four a.m. wide awake.
The fan whirs overhead and the prayer flags are flapping. All is blackness around the luminous laptop screen.
I don’t have christmas spirit, that’s not new, perhaps I am the grinch of the family. Last night though I had a great idea for a present and found three more in the same shop today so quite pleased with myself.
Sister will arrive from US next week and then the fun starts. Not.
The ghosts of dysfunction are gathering in my basement. And by the time we’ve had a merry little christmas the air will be thick with them. They will rise and join us at the dinner table. Mock me even as the turkey sacrifices itself. Coloured paper hats all round and ‘jokes’ that are not funny.
I will not be expected to speak. There are siblings that would not stand for that, will not be displaced from the centre of attention. And so I will escape into my head, with a blank look on my face, while surrounded by relatives. Notice I didn’t say ‘well meaning’ relatives because there are none of those.
Perhaps this year I will take a good look at each player and find a character or two for a novel, at our table.
If I sound bitter and twisted please forgive me. I am not. It’s just a time frame to be gotten through. We will all do it as we have done for years. Ever since father died and it all went…you know where.
In January, I will travel south and watch famous international tennis players. It will be a lot of fun and there’s that to look forward to.