just thinking…bout love, life, and the whole damn thing

 

I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about it but…

What does it actually feel like – to be in love?

I read that, when you are, you and your soul are in contact. My soul is wafting around untethered? Not so much aimless, but without connection?

I wonder how it feels to be so easy with someone.

The swaying of the gum tree out the front makes me smile, the cat stretched along the windowsill, and the smell of eucalyptus from the oil burner. Life is not that simple. And I’d really like to get a grip on it not just let it roll along unchecked.

Watching a parent slow slide, crawl, towards death, extinguishing your own light in the process. Groundhog days in the office. And parenthood, reignited, flattens dreams and puts them out with the recycling.

The prayer flags flap in the longed for cool breeze sending ‘swift, wish fulfilling’ prayers to the four directions – I don’t send my own wishes on the wind anymore but while I continue on autopilot, I will alternate metta and tonglen meditations before sleep.

 

may all beings be well and happy

 

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30 thoughts on “just thinking…bout love, life, and the whole damn thing

  1. Very interesting post.

    BE ENCOURAGED! BE BLESSED!

  2. I am in your situation as well. I have known that feeling though and it’s the most illogical, blissful feeling in the world! Love, not only romantic love, but all love is quite remarkable and a gift of unmeasurable value.

    be blessed,
    Diana

  3. I haven’t written much about romantic love in my blog, because it’s such an ephemeral thing and means and feels differently to each person. It’s personal, like religion.

  4. free penny press

    I often wonder if loving others is enough vs being loved.. as I get older I wonder will my heart be joyful at the end of my life because I loved so well or will it be empty from not being “in”love with a person.. your post makes the think these things

  5. That feeling of being in love, Annie, changes as we go through our lives. As we go through the human experience, our perceptions change. That being in love feeling now is a profound peace and sense of being in the right place. That feeling thirty, or forty, years ago, was much more like a roller-coaster ride. I prefer the deeper feelings…xoxoM

  6. “Life is not that simple.”
    Life IS that simple, though rarely is it easy.

  7. I vote letting it roll on unchecked. Go for it. LOVED the parenthood reignighted statement. Pow. Right in the kisser. UNCHECK woman!!! Sending love!!!

  8. Love changes so much through the ‘cycle’ – at first it’s all lust and devotion, but once that calms down it’s the dedication and affection for each other that really comes to the fore. It’s so nice feeling comfortable with another person (particularly as you grow older) where you don’t have to prove anything or worry about a wrinkle or a fart 😉

    Sending love and hugs your way today, Annie 😀

  9. Nice post! I could relate to much of it, especially feeling un-tethered. I’ve been there often.

  10. I have come to the conclusion that there are different sorts of love and maybe it’s not possible to possess all of them at the same time. Romantic, lustful love was replaced by mother love and now grandma love. The romantic, lustful never did return and I don’t think that will change for me. I sort of feel like it’s unnecessary, but that’s just me. I think I have grown to accept and be content with the knowledge that this was not so much the way I envisioned my life or perhaps if I really reflect and allow myself to be honest I realize I deserve more but that “more” is too hard and elusive to find.

  11. Wow, Annie. I’ve had this open all day. Kept coming back to it as I diddled around the house.

    You can see from the comments here that you aren’t without connections. People come and listen and care.

    Your life isn’t aimless or without direction… more like the wind that flutters someone’s prayer flags on the way to somewhere else. I don’t have prayer flags, but you’ve made me think… made me smile and chuckle… even brought a tear to my eye.

    It’s in you.

    • I was wondering where your comment was 🙂 Thank you for those lovely words – I hope this post wasn’t the one to give you tears, heck I’m sorry to give you tears at all! but I’m very complimented that you read my words at all let alone leave it open 🙂

  12. What we don’t have, and want… always seems easier. The hard part, is living with what we do have… and that is usually true with being in love too… those roller coaster rides that Margarita talked of… there are heart throbs, anxieties, and passion… and of course, all of that is good. But then, as you know in your heart, all of life is good. It’s just hard living it. May you have a very sweet day.

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