graphic, gruesome easter tale – you have been warned

 

Can’t sleep and head won’t shut down. Perhaps if I let it all spill out on the screen I can be done with it and off to snoresville.

Easter was shite. Literally actually!

Last week the magnificent milestone of the day of my birth was celebrated. My boss, flying interstate the day before, must have gone to the office at the crack of dawn and left me the most beautiful bunch of flowers and a card. The words he wrote – I had to reread them later in the day to see if I could believe them. You know when you can’t believe such nice words about yourself? I so appreciated that as much as anything else I received. I’ve gone years without my birthday being acknowledged beyond my children when they were old enough; and without feeling good about myself or anyone saying such lovely things to me.

My assistant gave me a lovely present –very me. She knows me that well? Really touching. Both daughters showed their love – so sweet. Unnecessary but just heart warming.

I floated for two days. A feeling I’m unused to. Close to happy as I’ve been in a long time. And then the chocolates. One sibling, who constantly goes on about my weight and healthy eating, gave me a shitload of chocolate for my birthday. ?? I actually cried. I have been making an effort to lose weight, have been so conscious of everything that goes in my mouth. This from the relative who’s given me nothing for years. I’m supposed to be grateful but it hurt. I look at them and see poison – I can’t even think of giving them away to someone.

Someone else is doing mother’s pills next morning and we’re heading in to a four day break from work so I can’t wait to sleep in. Famous last thought.. I’m woken around six by a tapping and mother yelling my name. The tapping of her stick on the door.  Jump out of bed without benefit of morning tablets, pull tshirt on while rushing down the stairs and find mother sitting inside the open front door in a pool of her own excrement. She went to get the paper in and fell. Or had diarrhea and slipped in it. Not pleasant but that’s what I found. She went to hospital in an ambulance. I cleaned everything up. Two days later she came home with no explanation for the incident but with instructions to wait for her paper til I get up! How often do 90 year olds fall and not break bones, have clear brain scans? She’s so strong..

No respite during her time away – it was too short and I was still in shock and worn out. The night she came back daughter almost went in. Fierce abdominal pain related to her condition, and a fever but we rode it out.

Today I’ve had a fever. I stayed in bed all day. A photo of my father in his naval uniform watches over me. From years before I knew him. Very dashing in his captain’s cap. ‘What’s the matter with my girl?’ he’d ask.

I wish you’d met my little ones..watch over them too?

 

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44 thoughts on “graphic, gruesome easter tale – you have been warned

  1. I am really fluey again so my empathy is with you!

  2. Hope you feel better soon 🙂

  3. {{{hugs}}} Kozo

  4. Oh, Annie. Lots on your plate. Try to take care of yourself. Know that there are people who care.

  5. Hugz. Hope this coming weekend is a good one!

  6. Poor thing. Alice OXO

  7. So glad to hear you had a wonderful birthday. Best wishes for a very good year.

  8. oh no! Sorry to hear about your mom’s accident and daughter not feeling well. What a great surprising birthday though! Don’t dwell too much on the chocolates…people often give gifts they wish THEY could have. Enjoy them. Take one a day like a pill hahahahaha. Sending love your way for this hard time…hang in there girl. Ya know, my Grandma this week who is 87, also had a horrible bout with throwing up and diarrhea so bad that they had to clean up and carry her out of the shower, and she doesn’t remember ANY OF IT. Sort of a blessing. Her brain and her health is ‘fine’ too. Go figure. Sending love!!!

  9. Oh dear, Annie. There is just so much going on that it’s hard to decide what is worse for you at the moment. For a start I’m really glad you had a nice birthday 😀 The relative who gave you heaps of chocolate sounds like a bit of a b*tch (no matter if they’re male or female). I hope your mum is okay, and I want to give your daughter a big hug. I just want her to be better (so if I times that by 1,000 – I’m pretty sure this is how you feel)!

    {{{hugs}}}

    • I appreciate all of that Dianne, and just that you’re at the end of my keyboard. It’s true, things are a little rough right now..has to be an end in sight to some of it ??

      • Last year was a nightmare for me and I seriously thought I’d never see a light at the end of the tunnel. My favourite saying is ‘this too shall pass’ so no matter how bad or good things are there only one certainty – things never remain the same… {{{hugs}}}

  10. This online universe is so…. interesting. We come to a point where we care about our virtual friends & care what happens to them. Is that weird? Regardless. You care cared about.

  11. I’m so sorry I’ve been away and missed this, Annie. First, Happy Belated birthday to you, and I’m happy it was a good one for you this year. You certainly deserved those couple of days of floating on air. A certain mother who shall not be named recently had her bowel let go and made a terrible mess of herself and her bathroom. Thankfully, she is capable and able to clean up after herself, but I do have great empathy for what you just went through. You are a good daughter, Annie. Your rewards will be many, and they will come. Love and hugs to you.

  12. I went through similar events with my own mother, in the months that she was in hospice (wrote many posts about it in Oct-Dec 2011)… it is shocking and humbling to see our mothers decline in such a way. As for sabotaging relatives, Maya Angelou says it so well: “It’s not about you.” They will do the things they will do, with or without you in the mix. Let it, and the chocolates go. Your poison will be someone else’s joy. Namaste.

  13. I had similar instances with my mom, too. Diarrhea during dialysis – worst thing ever! 🙂 Hope I don’t get there! 🙂

  14. I KNOW that at the end of this now-torture is bright sparkly brilliantness for you, my fellow blogger. You know what happens before a diamond shines right? You are in the dark compression stage. The worse it is the more brightly you will shine! Oh and I can prove it because your sister sees that and is trying to sabatoge your emergence into the light! Do not let her and send her love bombs. She obviously needs that chocolate more than you. I would have said thanks no thanks and let HER deal with it! I think that you see it as poison as a sign of big growth, as a sugar addict I know this… I just read your newest blog and wonder what prayers or energy you would like us to send? It sounds like she needs a send off, soon. Much love your way!!!

    • Tears Soul Kitty for such a lovely comment – thank you!

      I just re-read this post, it’s from easter last year and it took me several months to really commit (to myself) to losing weight, losing sugar, getting healthy. I’m doing it! You’re right – the realisation last year about that chocolate embedded in my psyche and I’ve managed to turn my eating around.

      Prayers for an easy and swift transition would be so appreciated. Thank you xx

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