don’t tell me that

 

I’m in a bad mood tonight friends. It’s said that, when you have calm inside, the external doesn’t bother you. It’s all about the inner calm. So, I recognise that I am in an inner bad mood and the external is louder, and more annoying.

The banging of the neighbours doors is really giving me the shits. It’s freezing cold, I can’t get warm. Work was full on, I said some things I shouldn’t have, interviewed some people I can’t choose between and where is the successful candidate going to fit/sit anyway.

I am fat. I am old. I am tired.

I am really hanging out for my holiday, my leave from work. It won’t be long enough though – I already know that.

It’s also said that a writer should ‘show don’t tell’ and yet I tell all. Ah, I am not a writer – in this mood perhaps I should take a break from blogging, a break from myself.

I wonder if, I can have a mini personal retreat at the beach house. Noble silence. Meditation. As long as the reflection leaves me with some positives!

Second try

Our office is a beehive, bursting with drones and frenzied activity. How can so much thinking, and doing, produce so little cashflow… I’m tired. Three interviews before lunch and the first keen young man told me I looked tired. Way to start the day me and way to not get the job him 😉

Next week the decision will be mine, and then I’m off to sit by the fire and look at the sea. I will meditate, read Dharma, eat comfort food. I won’t come back any thinner 🙂 but I will breathe more slowly, smile again, choose my words more carefully – or maybe they will just come out more easily.

I might make a schedule so that I don’t waste the precious alone days of nothing…or I might not.

 

 

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31 thoughts on “don’t tell me that

  1. Enjoy your retreat. Don’t make a schedule; just let each day tell you what to do as it unfolds itself. Don’t try to be peaceful. Don’t try.
    Bigs hugs and comfort energy from me.
    Alison

  2. “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
    ― George Bernard Shaw
    {{{HUGS}}}

  3. I love your honesty! I love your story told in two different ways! Enjoy your time away: sleep at least 8 hours each night. hugs.
    Diana

  4. All that awareness about how to be the best version of yourself and yada yada yada…it’s all intensely worthwhile, and a beautiful option in this life…but sometimes, I say, screw it! Just be cranky! Be petty! Think negative thoughts, whatever! Then when you’re ready you can come back.

    And the “you look tired” thing cracked me up because just last week a long-term traveler was bragging about his techniques for charming embassy workers into giving him visas, and one of them was to always choose a woman, and tell her she looks tired. I think he was going for empathy, but it sounds like he’s in a mine field and doesn’t know it!

  5. Vicki (from Victoria A Photography)

    I really don’t believe in schedules at all.

    I go to bed when I’m ready. Get up in the morning when I feel fully rested and decide on what to do that day, when I open the blinds and see what the weather’s like.

    I think the same routine would suit your break away at the beach house. A nice big bowl of homemade soup and wolly socks inside my ugg boots always warm me up. Warm feet seem to make a warm body. A nice old fashioned hot water bottle placed behind my lower back in my desk chair helps too. A nice Tibetan yak hair meditation rug over my knees also works well – seems to be much warmer than our Aussie wool rugs. (In fact, I loved the colourful yak hair rug I bought my SIL last year so much, I went all the way to the same stall at the Mind Body Spirit Festival this year, especially to buy one for myself – they even had the same colour this year).

    • Thank you so much for this thoughtful reply Vicki, I loved it 🙂

      I would love to live as you do – as my body dictates. While I have my mother to care for, and maybe a couple more years of office work I can’t do that BUT I will do it while on holiday…

      Funnily enough I bought a yak blanket recently! I haven’t started using it though as I just know the cats are going to add hair to it…

      Hope you’re feeling a bit better?

  6. Hang in there! I think you should use your vacation as a silent meditation, that includes writing… but not necessarily your blog. Writing is silent. Do both, and let your words flow… silently. Deep breathes, until then. Hugs. 🙂

  7. Annie, we all have these days being all too human and all. Go rest, no schedules for resting. Enjoy and breathe.
    xo

  8. Peripatetic Eric

    The old number one (noble truth) hits home again. Not meaning to be uncaring or patronizing at all as I suffer from it too. Just food for thought.

  9. Mother never told me there’d be days like this (I don’t know what song that’s from, but it just popped into my head when I read this post).

    I love your honesty, Annie. Hang in there, things are changing all the time. We all have shit days, but when they start turning into months and years it becomes an absolute drag. When I think things are turning crappy now, I just remember what it was like for me twelve months ago and for some reason that snaps me out of it pretty damn fast. There’ll come a time when you look back on this post and think, ‘Yikes! I don’t ever want to feel that way again. I’m glad those days have gone’ 😉

    • I remember that song and when I read your first part I started singing Mama told me not to come! Go figure that one 😉

      I love how you remind me of the changes in your life (I’m always sorry to read/remember the dark time you refer to) – we all have our down moments (can happen for less reason, when I’m tired) but it’s good to recognise that this too shall pass.

  10. Sometimes you just gotta let it rip. So the EFF what. I hope your weekend is wonderful. By the looks of your last post…perhaps it has been??? yay!!

  11. Hi Annie! So sorry I wasn’t here to cheer and support you through this. I know you are feeling better now and holiday is right around the corner. Hope you have a wonderful time!! xoxoxoxo

  12. I would miss reading your posts if you stopped blogging 😦

  13. A special thanks for your interest in my blog! 🙂
    Yours is a joy to see and read 🙂

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