in less than twelve months


Life changes and you know it.

It’s less than a year since Al died, my bestie. Still hurts.

Posts about Ali

Within a month of her death youngest had been diagnosed with a life changing, life long condition. Illness, condition call it what you like it’s a monster sent from the hell realms to attach itself to her til rebirth. Some kind of karma. Sent to deepen our practice.


Then two of my other good friends dropped off the face of my earth. One in a huge fanfare of unpleasant jibes, the other slid silently out of contact. Why, who knows. Why is not the point here, the point is learning to live without three friends and a sick child. Accept change. People come into your life for a reason, we all know that – this is not all meant to sound negative. Change isn’t good or bad it just is.

Next? Work went from being just me as a paid employee to eight of us in the office. And me, the introverted hermit wannabe managing them all, HR-ing. Yeah right.

I bought a new car. I went on a brief holiday. Simple statements with a wealth of story and emotion lurking behind them.

I saw my son a few more times than in recent years put together and I should be happy for that but still no cigar.

If I sit down and type, and think about the big picture, there’ve been monumental changes in less than 12 months and I need to give myself permission to calm the fuck down for a bit…but to anyone else looking in life looks pretty much the same.

I wonder what life will look like in another year! Exciting to think of some big changes that could be just round the corner.

Have a look back at your own last 12 months and think about it…




20 thoughts on “in less than twelve months

  1. victoriaaphotographyictoria

    I’ve had friends with cancer, lost a neighbour to cancer and a friend to suicide. At the time, nothing can take away the pain and feeling of loss (especially the sudden suicide), but one heals…..eventually…..and life goes on.

    A lot can happen in 12 months, but the important thing IS to do your grieving and then to move on. If one gets trapped in that vicious cycle of negative emotion, it can be soul destroying.

    As to friendship, well sometimes we just have to let go and move on too. Once anything, including friendship, has run it’s course, it’s time to let go.

    Life is full of suffering, in one way or another, but it’s how we deal with that suffering, that makes our lives worthwhile and complete.

    I try to liken it to Anger. It’s not the thing that makes us angry, it’s the way we perceive the incident and react. Our mind creates the anger, so it’s our mind that has to change, not the person or incident.

    • Yes exactly – the one thing we can control is our response to events…

      Not trapped in grief but I do miss her and always will, my most fun friend 🙂 The others I can move on without..just occasionally wonder why but that does noone any good!

      One thing you can’t learn young enough though is that everyone is going through, or has gone through, something…

  2. I admire your positive outlook despite the trials of life.

  3. Oh, Annie, life does happen. Remember when the kids were babies? Time crept by interminably when they were cranky and sped by like an express train when they were smiling and happy! A lot to process in just twelve months…and you’re doing it gracefully, dear friend! xoxoM

    • Thanks so much M – reading back through some of those posts bought the grief back to the surface but your words were there too and so very helpful, healing.

      Isn’t it funny how now – time can speed by and crawl at the same time!


  4. HUGS! What doesn’t kill us, makes us strong. Blessings to you.

  5. (((((((Annie)))))))
    This too.

  6. heartbreak comes to us
    least expected visitor
    hard welcoming him

  7. sounds like it’s been a rough 12 months for you. It never ceases to amaze me how it happens to the nicest people. I’m not going to say it makes you stronger because none of us want to be that strong.. Just keep going.. It has to get better. My son who just got married was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis last year. There are some great results with faeces transplants. sounds awful but seems to be working. But mostly, diet and meditation are huge helps but I’m sure you already know that. Good luck.. It will get easier xxx

    • Thanks so much xx

      And I had no idea your son has it too!

      At her support group they’re going to talk about the faecal transplant but for now, though not quite in remission, she’s doing really well on Infliximab. Long may it last.

      Gorgeous photos from your sons wedding – your dress too 🙂

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