after midnight, we’re going to let it all hang out

 

We’re gonna find out what it’s all about. (thanks jj cale)

(it’s after midnight in oz, letting it all hang out)

 

I read a couple of blog posts recently that really resonated with me.

About the loss of friends; and the need to give good health our best shot. 

As you may have read at the time, my bestie died just over a year ago. I miss that sunny smile and intoxicating laugh. Her wise advice, calm logic, and absolute silliness and love of life. She lived a short life but packed more into it than I can even dream about! My most fun friend. Her serenity in illness and death is a lesson that must not be wasted. Lose the anxiety, just drop it.

The last few years were strangled by sickness yet she always talked to me about my darkest spots. And, in our last conversation, was so concerned about my youngest – a month shy of her own diagnosis. With all of that going on I also lost my two other closest friends.

How does that happen? How do friendships die when you least expect it? One wandered off quietly, unable to deal with my daughter’s condition and yet, in hindsight, I’d spent a lot of energy supporting her through lesser issues. In tough times you find out who your friends are – old and true adage. True for both daughter, and me.  The other, oldest friend of the three, raged out of my life in an ugly unpleasant way and refuses to allow closure. Stubborn in her silence with others in the past, it shouldn’t have surprised me…but still does.

So, ok positions vacant – I have no idea how to fill them but I could sure use a shoulder, a phone call, or a coffee buddy any time soon.

And then health. I have neglected it for the past couple of years. I know it’s irrational.  I went to chemo appointments with Al, I’ve waited in a sweat outside colonoscopy day surgeries for youngest. I had an unhealthy anger towards the doctor who missed the IBD diagnosis and delayed treatment for a few months. And so I stayed away myself. And who did that hurt? I’m now undergoing a gazillion overdue tests and the results back so far are not too bad considering my absence without leave from the medical system. I’ve been handed a gift and it’s up to me now to lose weight, lose the anxiety, and live.

 

Applications now open for a coffee buddy, walking pal – sharing of tears and laughter along the way pretty much on the cards.

 

 

 

 

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23 thoughts on “after midnight, we’re going to let it all hang out

  1. I’m here for you. Let’s start today. xo
    BB

    • Thanks BB, hoping to leave work early – will walk after work 🙂 (must sleep first!! it’s 12.30am here)

      and have started talking the vitamins I’m low in….tell me bout your day later?

      x annie

      • Will do. Are we facebook friends yet? Bea Buttons. That way we can chat to our heart’s content! Have a good sleep.

        • Hi Bea. Not being a good motivational buddy sorry! So caught up in work (and anxiety) last few days I didn’t get to walk anyway…
          Thanks for the facebook offer – I have family and friends on there who don’t know my blog though, I keep it separate 😉

  2. HUGS! from your lips to God’s ears…

  3. Time. Human contact.

    The hole is never filled. I kinda think that, as others are introduced and accepted, the heart just gets bigger.

  4. Thanks for the link, and wish we lived closer. I’d sign up for the walk and the coffee! You’ve added some very poignant things here, and I am touched that my post got your thinking… great writing here; thanks for sharing. Cyber hug.

  5. When we are going through some of our darkest moments, it helps us to remember that our personal wounds can be healed and the healing we experience can put us on the path to enlightenment and make us a more whole and complete person…I love the words of Rimi…’The wound is the place where the light enters you.’

    Hugs Julia

  6. If I was where you are (which is where?) I’d surely accept your invitation to coffee. I know too well that feeling – how one day there is response and sharing and then suddenly radio silence and never any response. And now, I choose to just say – nothing. But smile and treasure more the few who are close. And to love myself and the blessings of all embracing silence and the light that fills the emptiness. So remember you are your best friend and you are loved.

  7. Annie I have walked the dark path when my brother died. I found out who my true friends were then, and now I am isolated living in the country with my husband and kids because my boy on the spectrum needs a quiet place to manage his anxiety. My choice…. We have no neighbors, it is bliss. I do not hunt down new friends I guess what I am trying to say is I am comfortable for the first time accepting I am me and if people don’t like who I am well good…. because I am not here for those negative people I am here for positive people like you! I hope everything is going okay health wise in your family. Lets have a coffee and a virtual tim tam slam together and celebrate who we are..women of experience with loads of positive thoughts to share with others.

    • Thank you so much for this wonderful message Kath…I have been savouring the words all day before replying.

      Felt so much warmth from it thank you – one day I’m sure we’ll meet and have that coffee and tim tam slam in person ha ha (though the sugar hit might mean you have to roll me out of the cafe)

      x annie

  8. I think a coffee sometime sounds perfect 🙂

    • YAY ! I wanted to write a post with a link to you, and Robert and say let’s do it in the new year!!

      Let’s make a plan soon Livvy – I just want to get over this rotten cold/flu/cough I’ve had for two weeks already first…grr

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