We’re gonna find out what it’s all about. (thanks jj cale)
(it’s after midnight in oz, letting it all hang out)
I read a couple of blog posts recently that really resonated with me.
As you may have read at the time, my bestie died just over a year ago. I miss that sunny smile and intoxicating laugh. Her wise advice, calm logic, and absolute silliness and love of life. She lived a short life but packed more into it than I can even dream about! My most fun friend. Her serenity in illness and death is a lesson that must not be wasted. Lose the anxiety, just drop it.
The last few years were strangled by sickness yet she always talked to me about my darkest spots. And, in our last conversation, was so concerned about my youngest – a month shy of her own diagnosis. With all of that going on I also lost my two other closest friends.
How does that happen? How do friendships die when you least expect it? One wandered off quietly, unable to deal with my daughter’s condition and yet, in hindsight, I’d spent a lot of energy supporting her through lesser issues. In tough times you find out who your friends are – old and true adage. True for both daughter, and me. The other, oldest friend of the three, raged out of my life in an ugly unpleasant way and refuses to allow closure. Stubborn in her silence with others in the past, it shouldn’t have surprised me…but still does.
So, ok positions vacant – I have no idea how to fill them but I could sure use a shoulder, a phone call, or a coffee buddy any time soon.
And then health. I have neglected it for the past couple of years. I know it’s irrational. I went to chemo appointments with Al, I’ve waited in a sweat outside colonoscopy day surgeries for youngest. I had an unhealthy anger towards the doctor who missed the IBD diagnosis and delayed treatment for a few months. And so I stayed away myself. And who did that hurt? I’m now undergoing a gazillion overdue tests and the results back so far are not too bad considering my absence without leave from the medical system. I’ve been handed a gift and it’s up to me now to lose weight, lose the anxiety, and live.
Applications now open for a coffee buddy, walking pal – sharing of tears and laughter along the way pretty much on the cards.