When he’s ready to leave he asks ‘do you need me anymore?’
Pause. Stare. Where are you power of speech?
He repeats it and I reply ‘always’, ‘but you can go, of course’. And while we both smile he puts his shoes on, and goes. I wish he could stay. It’s better when he’s with me.
I’m in a bubble, swirling, tossed by the waves. I don’t fear it bursting, I’m not in danger but I want it to stop. I’m alone and lonely. Wash me up on the shore. Sand under my feet. Some stability but no control. We’re all at the mercy of karma – change and impermanence. You know it.