I need this to be over and I know she does too.
Next week she might perk right up, eat every meal, smile, talk, take interest in things.
The last couple of days have been a whole new ramped up level of awful. I am numb from parent aged care, and the not knowing. What to do, what she needs…
When I wake, I wonder if she’s passed in the night. I want to stay in bed a little longer because when I open the door, I’ll see her legs. She’s made it through and is sitting in that blue chair that has held her weight for days on end, for days on end.
Lately though, she’s just sitting, blanket on the floor beside her. Can she not be bothered to pick it up, in her confusion does she not know to, or is she willing herself to death? Death by teeth chattering.
She’s still sleeping when I go in today. Before I leave her with the carer I check she’s breathing – ‘alive, asleep’ I report and I’m off for the morning.
Yesterday she ate about three spoonfuls all day. Is she not hungry, does she not remember she hasn’t eaten, or is she willing herself to death? Death by empty stomach.
Death will come, by the simple fact of having lived long enough.