blurred timeline

I wish I could write you an accent. Wait, let me try…

I could see her coming, out her door, as I was parking.  She was doing that afternoon thing of farewelling her son.

‘Annnnie’ she swooped and folded me in. ‘WHAT could you doooo? What could you DOOOO?’  Tears I must have been saving for days… ‘She’s in hevun now, she’s in hevun’.

She limped her arthritic joints back into her house.  My afternoon took a decidedly darker turn – grief rears its’ ugly head in unexpected moments, doesn’t it.

The smell of her perfume? makeup? soap or face cream? or just her Malteseness, stayed with me for hours, her crush replayed with each waft, and accompanied by fresh tears.

First sighting of the neighbours post bereavement – check. It should get easier…


21 thoughts on “blurred timeline

  1. Grief will continue to surprise you. This makes me want to cry for my mother who has been gone for six years on October 9. It does get easier as the years pass but it still sits there right at the back of your heart. Cry when you feel like it. xoxoxox

  2. I think you did write us an accent…..and a feeling. In looking back I realize that, as visceral and as knock-you-down as the early grief is, I wish people would still tell me they miss the people I love.

  3. Annie, thinking of you X

  4. I think it will get easier, when the time is right and you are ready. Perhaps each day will bring you closer to a greater degree of normal once more.

  5. Thinking of you, Annie.

  6. It is terribly hard. Sending hugs. You have to just go with it Annie, it will always sneak up on you, like Maggie said. Sending my prayers, Audra

  7. Remembering…painful and sublime. With time, the painful recedes and the sublime reigns. As always, Annie, holding you in Love and Light! xoxoM

  8. Healing hugs for you Annie

  9. I still vividly remember thinking I saw my mother in a car at an intersection… months after she’d died, and years after she’d stopped driving. Grief takes it’s on sweet time. Just let it. xox

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