confusion / change

I came back from the beach last month serene and resolved. I knew what I wanted to do.

It didn’t last.

Confusion was only playing hide and seek, and laughing at the game. Now it’s back full strength and no amount of pondering shifts it. Should I leave my job? Should I apply for others, or retire? Would I even get another at my age? And by retire do I mean move into full time grandmother/childcare mode.

I keep waiting to just Know the answer.

At the beach I woke up to, if I’m even thinking about it there is my answer! And so I applied for a new job. Not having been called for interview probably helped confusion to escape it’s hiding spot.

Is this inner conversation palpable? The boss has requested time next week to ‘discuss my future’ – will at least part of the decision be made for me?

Once I overheard ‘you’ll find forced change can be a good thing’…




6 thoughts on “confusion / change

  1. Difficult time of life I think, for many of us. I too play the confusion and back-forth game, and like you Annie, debate every decision with myself. Why is it so hard to simply pick and go forward…I wonder if it is because we see, know, and are now much closer to endings rather than beginnings. We fear if we decide it may push us even farther down a road we can’t turn back from. I know the feeling of wanting someone, or something to make the decision. Whatever yours becomes, believe it is the correct one and move on.

  2. I have experienced the same type of thing. Clear certainty and inspiration, and then … distraction and confusion. I’ve been pushed in other directions. Is it temporary? The prerequisite for what I was shown? Because it is so clearly Olin my best interest, I think it is a temporary diversion for permanent change that’s necessary before the work. But there have been so many changes at once that it is hard to tell.

  3. Dearest Annie, look within yourself and fear not what you desire. Then, allow it to manifest fearlessly. You are never alone or unsupported!

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