damn you health anxiety – mind beast

 

It’s back. With a vengeance.

I read, and look around at what others are going through and I KNOW it’s ridiculous and yet I’m anxious as hell. I WANT to live without it. I DON’T want to write about it but I guess I am because I want to hear that someone understands, someone has been through exactly this.

I’m losing weight. (That’s a good thing)
My blood pressure is going down. (That’s a good thing)
I begin to feel faint a bit each day. (That feeling makes me anxious)
I go to the doctor to check bp. (I have serious white coat syndrome AND a phobia of having my bp taken, even hearing or seeing the words ‘blood pressure’ makes me very uncomfortable)
Due to the above issues my bp is up at the doctors so she has to rely on what I’m telling her….and
Rather than decrease my meds straight up she suggests splitting the dose.
I take 2/3 of it this morning, feel mostly fine all day then I’m supposed to take the other 1/3 in the evening, or bedtime. Around 6pm I feel like it’s high and take the tablet.

When I say I felt mostly fine all day I actually felt yucky but I THINK bp was ok. Warm face, tight shoulders…and too much thinking about it all.

The little one had a colonoscopy today – she’s out of remission but the news was better than expected. Initially it was feared that her main med was no longer working but the GI is happy that that’s not the case. Added a bit to her regime…and carry on.

There’s always other things going on with loved ones and so yes there is stress. I just want to feel physically and mentally better. AND hey who knew but writing this out has actually helped. Let’s look at the facts again – I’m losing weight and my bp is going down. POSITIVE. POSITIVE!

The big cat sleeps right up next to me and purrs. Best snuggler ever and that’s great. I’d really love a hug though and a whisper in my ear ‘everything’s fine’… (too much to ask from the big cat ha ha ha)

oh hey, if you’re in Sydney and you’re not too anxious to go out 😉 check this festival

 

Advertisements

16 thoughts on “damn you health anxiety – mind beast

  1. Meditation and yoga really changed my BP. I told the doctor I’m never going on tablets, so I made sure I did a daily practice and I got great results. 💕

  2. Perhaps monitor your BP at home with your own device?? If you can actually see the the numbers stay in a good range and document that then maybe that worry can be alleviated a little bit. Our heads can really influence our bodies, and not always in a good way. Stay strong Annie 🙂

  3. Anxiety is a beast. But yes, writing always helps me too. It’s usually a start to what comes next for feeling better. Best wishes!

  4. Everything’s fine. Everything’s fine. Everything’s fine. Everything’s fine. Everything’s fine. Everything’s fine. Everything’s fine. ❤
    (((((((((((((Annie)))))))))))))
    Alison ❤

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s