in dreams…

 

I was dreaming about Ali as I woke up this morning. Was I thinking about her as I drifted off last night? I can’t remember.

I was replaying one of the times we shared at the beach. It was after the doctor’s appointment when she’d been told the possible progressions of the disease that was swirling inside her, and that there was no way out. We all knew that was coming and she’d taken the confirmation seemingly calm…

When we arrived at the beach house Al went to rest on the big bed, in the room that looks out to sea. She soon joined me in the main room complaining of pain in one leg – worried this was THE next thing, that it was bone cancer already. What words did I use? I can’t recall but I did talk the fear away. She was always stiff upper lip and what sticks in my mind now is that I didn’t hug her! So many times I could use a hug and I can’t help remembering that I didn’t give Ali a hug at a time that I’d definitely have wanted one.

Not long ago I bought one of those v shaped pillows so that I can feel hugged in bed. I woke up this morning curled in the pillow, hugging Al in dreams…

 

(side note – it wasn’t bone cancer, there was no time for the cancer to move to her bones or brain before it did it’s worst)

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2 thoughts on “in dreams…

  1. There is a surreal quality when someone we love is dying, isn’t there? As if we are so in the moment we can’t get out, and yet our minds are saying “this can’t possibly be happening.” I hope your dreams bring you comfort rather than sadness.

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