big grief

When my darling daddy died I was in deepest darkest Borneo, with the wild man.

My passport was in the immigration office waiting a visa, and the next day was a public holiday. First thing the day after I went to ask for it back, with or without said visa. It cost me some whiskey, an Australian tea towel, and some dollars – I can’t remember how many.

It took a couple of days through two countries to get home. There were no direct flights in those days. My flight into Australia was diverted to Melbourne, due to fog, and an announcement told us that we would be put on planes to Sydney much later in the day. I quickly told the nearest attendant that I’d need to get the earliest flight possible as my father’s funeral was that afternoon. She directed me to speak to another staff member who did the same who did the same who did the same and I held it together until the fifth telling. Was it the tragic tale itself or the sight of the crumpled skinny 20 yr old in front of her? – that ground staffer lept into compassion and help.

I don’t even remember getting from one flight to another but two increasingly smaller planes later I was in country NSW and being driven straight to the crematorium.

Still in shock.

And grieving still.

Grief’s like that you know.

5 thoughts on “big grief

  1. I’m so sorry for your loss Annie. There’s nothing like losing your dad, especially at that young age. But also so glad you made it to the funeral. What a saga.
    Merry solstice season. I hope the fires and smoke aren’t affecting you too much.
    Alison xox

  2. What a horrible experience. I am sorry for both your loss and your nightmare experience. I live in Tennesse USA and my father in New Zealand when I was in my twenties. It took eleven days for his body to be released and returned to the USA. I wasn’t able to see him and for a long time it seemed like he was just still traveling. It was literally years before I was able to grieve and let go. I was able to be with my husband of sixty years during his two struggles with cancer and when he died two years ago. I have grieved a great deal, but am now able to remember good memories and relive their joy, even though there are still times of heart break. It is very hard, but it is a journey back into the thankfulness for being loved and of loving. You are in my prayers.

    • I’m sorry you went through that too Eileen! Too young to lose our fathers… I was back for his funeral and then returned to Malaysia for a couple of years and I know what you mean – during that time it was easy to just imagine he was at ‘home’. Thank you so much for your comment, and your prayers. Back at you especially in coming days x

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