a day like any other

 

Today was a day like any other. Any other during a heatwave that is. Meaning – air con on and stay where you are!

So, I was trawling social media…and a post popped up in a support group I follow and the day took an intense turn. A young woman asked if the amount of medication she had on hand was enough to end her life. What an amazingly wonderful group of people – all living with a chronic illness, often misunderstood and dismissed – delivered a constant stream of messages until we were sure she was safe. A paramedic from another state tried to get someone to her home. Someone from her actual city offered to go to ER with her. Kindness screamed from my screen and overwhelmed me with joy in the midst of such sadness. We are all connected.

There’s a whole team, unseen, walking with her now. So glad she reached out. She spent the afternoon at the hospital, went home with antidepressants and therapy sessions set up and a collective sigh of relief went round.

Tonight, I saw a tv show I’ve never heard of before – Henry Winkler and William Shatner were in Tokyo. Laugh? I did 🙂

Intense day – strangely good start to the week.

who’s counting?

Daryl is singing to me while I write to you. The kids are always joking he’s my next husband but we all know that’s not going to happen. I mean we’d have to meet first, right!?!

How the heck did I get here? In one minute it’s 55 years since I was born. There it goes. The clock ticked! Only a couple of years ago I found out the time of my birth so it was actually really cool to watch it on the screen just now.

The tests were all clear but I guess you knew that would be the outcome. It’s the waiting, the anticipation that’s the worst. Note to self – in future when you ring for an appointment take the first one, don’t give yourself weeks to wimp it up!

I keep dodging bullets! No excuses, the big girl says ‘you’re so much healthier than you think you are’…yeah.

Just one more tune. Wait, Billy Thorpe is third ahead – he can sing to me then I’ll go upstairs. We’ll see what 55 looks like in the morning 😉

(throw your hands up in the air if you know who daryl; and billy thorpe are. geography will out you methinks)

keep running

 

It’s not fair is it! You can see it in his eyes. The haunting. Not well yet. Why are some people born to do battle with their own head? 

And they’re all around us. You can’t read it in every face, some keep it well closed in, but some pain is so transparent.

I’m glad they didn’t share the how’s of their attempts. Good attempt at the why’s. There is no why other than the demons made me do it.  Then again there is no why not. No judgement, no option for them. Two lost, two saved…one little girl without her father.

 

suicide prevention australia – fundraising campaign

 

 

mind monologue

 

write 20 minutes stream of consciousness and hit the publish button

 

There’s a very weak, tiny patch of sunlight in the side garden. I was lured out to sit in it but turned out I had to sit right up against the basement skylight, and tilt my head that way, to just catch it. Attempt to get my fifteen minutes of Vitamin D thwarted today.

Apparently it’s a thing in Australia. Vitamin D deficiency. We’ve been indoctrinated into staying out of the sun, avoid skin cancer. Now we are being re-educated that we need 15 mins a day to avoid osteoporosis. It’s a fine line isn’t it. The health juggle. Anyway, no luck for me in the garden today. I’ll have to replenish my bone cells another day… must remember! 

My son in law has made an amazing garden out the back. Even so, I don’t want to stay here. The gingers have gone feral – absolutely wild! When he planted he told me they’d grow upwards and give privacy from the apartments behind us. They’ve grown out and down. It’s all good, we got some of the much desired (by me) privacy with other plants, and the gingers are just spectacular. I still don’t want to stay here. In the back lane, birds have taken up residence in the council planted trees with a vengeance. Their voices joined in choir are just soul lifting. And for that I am indescribably grateful, my joy overflows but I’d still rather move… I can see the city buildings through that gap in the trees. The roofs of the street behind us, one corrugated iron between two old fashioned slate tiled. Iron roof functional, financially the better option, but mmm fugly.

I walk back in to the kitchen, to look through the back doors at the garden and try to imagine I’m seeing it for the first time. A friend visited yesterday and I’m being her. I see a lot of dead foliage – did she think it messy? It’s his idea of art. When a palm frond drops from the top its beauty isn’t over – it’s moved to a different part of the courtyard, and is decorative. 

The big cat is pacing. Hoping on hope to get outside herself. Not today sweet thing. I can live without the worry of imposed home time which cats don’t respect. Dusk becomes the witching hour and once passed the feline is out for the night. On the prowl. So today, with no one else home, I’m keeping you safe. 

My back hurts. I should go for a walk but something in the lower back is complaining. Instead I might just curl up on the couch and sleep for a bit. I haven’t done that in a while actually – it used to be a common occurrence. I have two hours before I need to think about mother’s dinner and I haven’t been sleeping well at night. 

I’ve done all I need to do today, and a little extra. So why not zzzzzzzzzzz.