box of chocolates, life

 

nanopoblano2

 

Where’s that box of chocolates when you want it? Life eh…

I’m not even sure what day it is since I’ve taken a few extra days off work – your mind gets out of whack then, doesn’t it. Feels like Tuesday but wait it’s Wednesday.

The little one had her regular drug pumped in Tuesday. It’ll keep her bowel behaving for the next 8 weeks – or that’s the plan. I swear that child is a Bodhisattva. She’s calm, accepting, so generous of spirit, and a patient patient. The two hour turnaround took four hours. Two hours with a cannula in just waiting waiting. She counselled staff, learnt their stories and talked life options until the good stuff was flowing and they left her to soak it in, in peace.

And then, what was it we were going to do in the evening? Oh never mind let’s just turn around and go back to the hospital. Emergency this time. My sibling lost sight briefly. Twenty four hours and counting, she’s still there. Tests I’ve never heard of yet to rule out, or determine. Juggling mini stroke, or polymyalgia?!?

Positives from the last two days? Little one is in remission again YAY that. Sibling looks fine! and is enjoying having meals brought to her, and the enforced rest 😉 And how very blessed are we to live so close to such great care.

tomorrow?

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who’s that girl?

 

Interesting characters – a Daily Post challenge

 

She doesn’t ask for, or need, approval – to be liked. On first meeting she seems a little prickly, not someone you’d warm to. She’s tall and thin, not good looking if we’re being honest…moves a little awkwardly. She’s a bit too loud, and a bit brash.

Is my perception of her physical characteristics swayed by how much she’s annoyed me, in our purely textual relationship, til now? Her emails are always too wordy. She often sends them to the wrong address, and forwards them inappropriately. She’s so annoying. 

The ego of impatience has pre-judged her thus.

She’s not annoying at all! She has so much compassion I am a humbled student as she teaches without intention. A Bodhisattva at work in our midst, not in training. 

A room full of volunteering uninitiated sit spellbound as she shares her work in corrective services. Inspiring enough without the back story – I’m left speechless from our pre-workshop speedy rundown of her life. She is dyslexic, coeliac, with a cricket team of children. The oldest few adopted from overseas, long before it was celebrity, before it was quite common, and as a single woman. The prison is a long drive from home, the ‘boys’ grateful weekly for the visits, and the rest of her waking time filled with equally inspirational doings. She fits well more than a week can hold surely, into her every 7 days. I am humbled. 

How distorted our perceptions and first impressions can be – so far from annoying, I am in awe of her and would love to be able to call her friend.

 

 

 

 

you can call me bodhi (day two)

 

Firstly, thank you so much for all the lovely comments on yesterday’s post. I am humbled, peaceful, and validated as requested!  Seriously though it wasn’t a call for compliments.  Not fishing, waving…just me talking out loud as I do 😉

And right now life is ok, if not good – knowing you’re all out there though, understanding and caring, is a drop of lavender oil on my shoulder, my yak blanket on the couch and a cup of tomato soup, in the dark hours.  So again, thank you.

For day two, the zero to hero task is to edit your title and tagline, and flesh them out more in a widget. 

I love my title and tagline (oh dear – hello EGO – definitely still IN TRAINING, this bodhi ha ha!).  

So I put a text widget there on the side, look over to the right I’m sure you can see it, it’s under the zero to hero image – got it?

Some definitions say a Bodhisattva is one on the path; others say an enlightened one.  I’m on the path, in training – we’ve established I’m not there yet 🙂

 

Dharma based therapy :-)

 

And then there are the counselling sessions with my boss. Dharma based and excellent. Truly helpful – I had a great day after the last one. BUT the next day panic gripped me, chased me, mocked me til I left the office panting all the way home. 

If I could carry him round in my pocket, if I could bring him home with me… 

As I recall the last session, the palm of my right hand is heating up again. He asks me to look him in the eye and not break focus – in fact you can’t. Once I make eye contact we are locked together. He takes my right hand and faces it upwards, makes it the shape of a bowl and says ‘here is this life’s karma’. Puts air in there and closes it over with my other hand. ‘Hold it while I talk’. 

‘You have to let go of the past. You can do this. You’re holding on to that karma and only you can let it go and move past it. It’s like someone is pulling a rope and you’re gripping on. You’re giving yourself rope burn’. 

At that minute my hand WAS burning hot. I gasped ‘I want to let go’, and broke my hands free. 

The right hand was tender the rest of that day. I can feel it again now.

He’s a powerful bodhisattva my boss. And an all round nice guy 🙂

 

 

the only constant is change

 

Tell me, how do you deal with change? I wish I could claim resilience among traits of character.

In deepening my practice I will work on equanimity. My boss, the bodhisattva, is sooo calm. In every situation. Calm, happy and with that gentle smile. I envy his wife. Her life – the partnership, support. (Maybe I should write his love story one day, as told to me, and witnessed – beautiful to see the strength at our age and after so many years)

…….

Back to change. After the bounce, when the ball is on the fall down I drop with it, at least briefly.

Youngest, who has been so very sick for a time, is now much better. Is out and about with friends. Staying at the boyfriend’s house. And that’s wonderful!

I’m alone a lot. I’ve been there before, and loved it. I just have to get used to it again. I’m not sure if this is my normal reaction to change, or if the many recent sads of extended family, and my work tiredness have caused the rug to bunch up under my winter feet.

In two weeks I will close the office door for 10 days. Holiday in my sight at last. Does it seem strange after what is written above to say I hope for some alone time? At the beach house escape…with a bag of books, an open fire, and that ocean view. I will sleep, eat, and have time to think. Not sure where thinking will get me but by the end of it I should be used to life now.

 

 

 

 

intentionally vague work references

 

I wish I had better photos. I wish I hadn’t missed MOST of day two due to exhaustion and anxiety. I wish I hadn’t been so all over the shop – spent some quality time with friends and family that came along; helped more constructively on the stall; relaxed into it all; shopped well.

But it was what it was. Everything happens for a reason and we are exactly where we are meant to be.

The lesson from this is to deepen my practice. Study more. The Dalai Lama said to keep investigating, educate yourself. Studying the texts is far more important than ritual. Put away the bells and trumpets. The yellow hats 🙂

Follow the great masters of the Nalanda lineage.

And, with his cheeky chuckle, he is gone…

I’d also like to write about my boss one day. It’s classic Sidney Poitier stuff – how do you thank someone who has taken you from crayons to perfumes? How do I write about him without sounding like a teenager with a crush…

In the office, we all think he’s a bodhisattva. He floats, he has an aura around him. He has all the answers and is so so calm. Everyone wears a goony grin around him.