into the bardo

as if to remind me that it’s time to take a tablet, the big cat starts drinking the glass of water beside me…

I can still see the terraces across the road through the blind but the grey night sky is coming down.

and the little one is off to a party

I’m always sending myself emails, writing little notes, ‘snippets’. I wrote those words above less than six months ago. Everything changes, everything remains the same. I’m still in the same house, one floor up from that room and in the middle of the night the darkness has well and truly fallen. If I stay awake another half hour I’ll see the clock go back an hour…another precious hour of life 😉

the little one moved out as offspring do

and my darling big cat has gone…into the bardo

(swift and auspicious rebirth big cat, free from pain and fear, close to the dharma xxx)



a is for adult – #atozchallenge

The family of three moved out yesterday. I’m an adult and I can cope with the spaces where their things were, the spaces where their words were.

I have advanced qualifications in silence – no problem there. It’s funny though, when there is physically nothing there is so much to clean. I have cleaning to do – dusty acres of timber floor, and dusty recesses of my mind. Clean up my act, make a life plan for one. I’m an adult, I already told you that right? So…I can do this. No white noise, let my thoughts assemble in an orderly fashion.

the boy on the couch

In response to the daily prompt – a moment in time

In the interest of anonymity I can’t show you the photo.

Tonight the boy from Back Bay came around.

His father lived here a million years ago. I can’t remember how that came about but it was back in the day before I’d even left school I think. He wasn’t exactly a model flatmate but he charmed the others, and so his lack of cleaning skills went overlooked. Tales of the notes he left around are on annual rotation, and yes, I shared them with his son. A dead mouse in the hallway had a note next to it ‘a present from puss’; the exploded coke can in the freezer – ‘wow’.

So now the next generation is criss crossing the globe in search of…what?
Charming? yes
A bit aimless? yes
Innocent? seemingly
Tonight well fed, and with four new people he can rely on in this country, this city, but no idea of where to next or when…

Maternal instinct kicked in, and with my own son estranged I henned this one in the first 15 minutes 😉 Think I miss having a teenager to fuss about? And there’s my youngest…living in his city over there in the big U S A. Wonder if he’ll finish world exploration and get back before she bids Boston farewell.

The last photo I took is of him – a lovely, smiling boy on the couch under the big front window. I sent it to his parents to show them he’s alive and well, on this side of the great ocean. The light is streaming in behind him and even though he’s sitting you can tell he’s tall…and he has mighty big feet.

major life changes


I’ve spent months panicking, preparing, and desperately doing living while counting down to the big trip.

I almost have work under control. I have no idea if I’m ready but I’ll fly away in ten days.

Early idea of an alone trip, an epiphany here and there perhaps, has morphed into a great family adventure. Adventure is not the right word – it’s a case of going places I’ve long dreamed about, and taking demons and dysfunction along with me. Planes, trains, automobiles and hotel rooms shared. Talk about having baggage!

Can’t even say I’m looking forward to it anymore.

And then it struck me. Life is going to change, drastically, soon. When I come back I will be alone in this huge set of walls. While youngest strikes out on her way back to independence I will also need to learn to be, again. All too easy to sit on the couch and eat after work but where’s the happiness? There’s a whole world out there in my own city, my own state, and I’ll have time to find my parts of it.

Responsibilities not quite done, lessened. Before long though I will be totally alone – aged parent care lingers frailly, and the big kids scour the real estate pages for their own patch.

Elusive ‘me’ time just might be rushing this way! Going to grab it with both hands…


caring for an aged parent

empty nest approaches

bucket list trip of a lifetime


How have you dealt with change?