I’m feeling a little lost today friends. It’s been a strange old life.
My eldest has been on maternity leave for ever…and my youngest was between jobs. Today they both left the house all corporate and happy. And I had nothing to do, nowhere to be, no one to talk to. I didn’t know I needed a plan day one.
It was the first day of school after the long summer holiday all over again. Other mothers couldn’t wait for the holidays to end, I wanted them to go on and on. I like my babies close. Is it me who didn’t grow up while they did? The nest will empty and I’ll still be bringing treats home, looking for the 3pm smile and hug.
It’s a very windy place, this beach house deck. Very exposed.
The branches of the pine are long thing arms, stretched with palms up, praising god. The bamboo at the left is ridiculously tall and constantly moving. Sways like a gospel choir. Swish. Swish.
The sea is steel and still. You could walk on it all the way to the edge of the world. A thin purple line between sea and sky. Predictably ‘sky blue’ bits, losing ground to cloud cover. White, or rather very pale blue blowing in. My tan will have to wait.
As fast as the tide turns the clouds dance off, and my favourite colour is everywhere.
It’s 4pm – bliss time. The next door tradies down all tools and the only sound is birdsong. I sit on the edge of the pool, my toes in blue water. Blue sky for ever, and nothing but blue sea between me and Argentina (with perhaps the northernmost tip of New Zealand to loop around).
Noiselessly, gracefully the pool water slides over the checked tiles opposite me, on to the pebbles below. And I find myself smiling even though my mother is dead, the little one far away, my son still mute. I suddenly notice though, if I just look to the side, the glass reflects frantic ripples. It’s all perception you see? Butterflies have been reminding me all afternoon – everything is changing annie.
This very moment, with the sun on my back, is perfect 🙂