It’s back. With a vengeance.
I read, and look around at what others are going through and I KNOW it’s ridiculous and yet I’m anxious as hell. I WANT to live without it. I DON’T want to write about it but I guess I am because I want to hear that someone understands, someone has been through exactly this.
I’m losing weight. (That’s a good thing)
My blood pressure is going down. (That’s a good thing)
I begin to feel faint a bit each day. (That feeling makes me anxious)
I go to the doctor to check bp. (I have serious white coat syndrome AND a phobia of having my bp taken, even hearing or seeing the words ‘blood pressure’ makes me very uncomfortable)
Due to the above issues my bp is up at the doctors so she has to rely on what I’m telling her….and
Rather than decrease my meds straight up she suggests splitting the dose.
I take 2/3 of it this morning, feel mostly fine all day then I’m supposed to take the other 1/3 in the evening, or bedtime. Around 6pm I feel like it’s high and take the tablet.
When I say I felt mostly fine all day I actually felt yucky but I THINK bp was ok. Warm face, tight shoulders…and too much thinking about it all.
The little one had a colonoscopy today – she’s out of remission but the news was better than expected. Initially it was feared that her main med was no longer working but the GI is happy that that’s not the case. Added a bit to her regime…and carry on.
There’s always other things going on with loved ones and so yes there is stress. I just want to feel physically and mentally better. AND hey who knew but writing this out has actually helped. Let’s look at the facts again – I’m losing weight and my bp is going down. POSITIVE. POSITIVE!
The big cat sleeps right up next to me and purrs. Best snuggler ever and that’s great. I’d really love a hug though and a whisper in my ear ‘everything’s fine’… (too much to ask from the big cat ha ha ha)
oh hey, if you’re in Sydney and you’re not too anxious to go out 😉 check this festival